It has been forever since I have had the energy to sit down to write anything for the blog. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do, I have just been pushing myself to finish my classes, get ready for my internship, and try my best at succeeding with this new company I have joined. While at the same time trying my hardest at being a good mother and wife. Some days I feel like I am always running and going whereas other days I refuse to do a damn thing that doesn’t involve my butt being glued to the couch. Some days I ask myself why I ever wanted to grow up; life was much simpler when I was younger. Then I tell myself to snap out of it because now that I’m the adult I can eat cake for breakfast (as long as my children don’t see me that is).
When did life get so complicated?
One day you’re playing in puddles in your bathing suit and the next you’re going to job interviews and wiping other people butts (let’s just hope that you didn’t wipe butts at the interview though). As much as I love being an adult, there are times when I just sit there and think, “When in the hell did this happen?!” Not just with myself though, but also with my relationships and my children.
For instance, my oldest is 3 (excuse me for a moment while I pick my jaw up off the floor) she has recently gotten to the point at bedtime where she doesn’t need me to fall asleep at night anymore. On one hand it is freeing but on the other hand I want to be a blubbering mess. It means I can lay in bed with my husband and watch a movie together before we fall asleep. It means she is growing up. Guys, I don’t know if I can take these “doesn’t need me” stages. As she grows I know she will need me in different ways but that doesn’t make it any less bitter sweet when those stages change. A month ago I was snuggling her like a baby in my arms, walking her, and humming her nighty song when she looks at me and says,” Mommy I want to lay in bed now.” Excuse me what?! This is the child who had to be asleep before she would let me leave the room for the night and she wanted to be in bed awake? After she said that my heart sank. I wasn’t prepared for that, there wasn’t a warning that was coming! So I did the only sensible thing a parent in my position would do… I told her “Not yet” and kept walking for a few more minutes. When she told me again she was ready to lay in bed I reluctantly gave in and laid her down, all the while I was crying on the inside unready to admit defeat to the toddler.
Why didn’t anyone warn me things like this would happen?!
Why didn’t they tell me that I would feel so unprepared when it occurred?!
It wasn’t fair!!
Of course not, that’s life. It isn’t fair, it isn’t easy, and rarely are you prepared even when people tell you. It’s life. You need to experience it for yourself. All the ups, downs and loop-de-loops. Even though life for me might be complicated at the moment or for the next few moments that’s what helps us grow and learn. Life helps us become better than what we were before. Before a heartbreak, a birth, a death, love. Time will always keep moving, life will always throw things in our path that we are unprepared for, but we can either tell life “not yet” and ignore it, or we can roll with the punches and make this life the most incredible journey imaginable.