Divorce · Mommy Only

Evolution

Well my dear friends it has been a long while since I have been present and I think it is time for that to change. Two years ago created this blog as a place for me to lay to rest the thoughts in my head and heart, and as a way for me to reach others in this roller coaster of life. This is my diary. At the time I was a stay at home mom to a two year old and a newborn and boy was it isolating. My family and friends were constantly working or unavailable. Sure, I went out with the babies when I could but at the time they were little and couldn’t offer up much in the way of adult conversations. However, there were times when the entertainment value was quite high. At the time this blog became my refuge and lifeline when times were hard. It was something I could do just for me. Something to help me be someone other than just a mom (even though mostly what I write about is being a mom, HA).

Since my unintentional writing hiatus I can feel a difference in myself, but not in a good way. Keeping in all my stresses, thoughts, memories, or motivations feels like I am doing a disservice to myself. As I get them out and onto the screen it helps me to make sense of the senseless. Oddly enough I start with a problem, goal or specific thought but by the end I have managed to work everything out in a way I never expected. There is something freeing about that. Being able to purge your body and mind of the negativity and unease, to lay it all out there, then coming out of the situation better off than when you began.

When I start a new post I write a simple title about what I think the post will be about. Usually as the feel of my writing progresses during a post, so does the title. Two, three, four changes later I MAY have one that I keep. Once the last I is dotted and the final T is crossed only then do I then know exactly what the post is to be titled. Just like the ebbs and flows of life my writing changes and evolves.

In certain aspects of my life a huge weight is off my shoulders. I have found a career that I am completely and utterly in love with as a doula and certified breastfeeding specialist (hopefully soon an IBCLC after licensing exam in the fall, fingers crossed). It wasn’t until becoming a mother myself for the second time did I realize that there were careers out there that allowed me to do what I loved- helping and supporting women. I sit here and think now, “Why did this take me so long to find this?” Since finding my passions I have the desire and the drive to dive in head first and not look back. I have already met wonderful families, friends, lactation consultants, doulas, and supporters and know this is what I am meant to do.

I have come to a juncture in my life where I am so motivated and ready to start the next chapter. To move towards the goals I know I want to reach and to grow as a person. To help the people that need it. To love the people that hunger for it. To teach the people that crave it. To treat my family and friends better. To treat myself better.

I am ready to begin.

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